That logic is a little too close to the "priests touch children because they're celibate, so celibacy is the problem" line of thinking for my liking. "If my wife was hotter and more open to my sexual whims, I wouldn't watch porn." I can't imagine any man with a shred of respect for his wife would say that to her
As a recovered sex lust porn addict, I can totally agree with your assessment. It's right on the money. Pope John Paul's Love and Responsibility provides much-needed light on the subject.
"Pornography is about gorging yourself on visual stimulation." I'd would go a bit deeper and suggest that the addiction is more about the neurochemistry produced by the interaction with images...dopamine, adrenaline, epinephrine, serotonin, etc. The same chemicals are produced by real sex and other process addictions like gambling.
Very insightful. I've often thought this line of thinking also neglects the fact that women, especially Gen Z women, struggle with pornography addiction, and framing it in this "have more sex with your husband to fix his addiction" really hammers home the fact that it often feels like there is no place for women struggling with the same problem to go to for support, healing, and redemption.
This is legitimately a very insightful article. From my experience of dealing with this addiction, I had never thought of it this way, but it’s absolutely more accurate to call it gluttony rather than lust. Thank you very much for sharing this; it helps more than you know!
Multiple things can be true at once. Our society has a porn problem, which is not about marital relations at its root, and it also has a lack-of-sex-in-marriage problem, which certainly does exacerbate the porn problem, even if it's not the root of the porn problem.
If a man is earnestly striving to overcome pornography, then feeling desired by his wife will aid him in that endeavor, even though simply being desired by his wife isn't enough alone for him to overcome the addiction, and even though it isn't strictly necessary that he feel desired by her in order for him to overcome it.
Porn is also a sloth problem. It devalues real relationships and offers a false, selfish alternative to challenging, but ultimately more rewarding and valuable authentic relationships.
this is so true. as hard as it may be to overcome, especially after becoming so normalised, the blame needs to be taken off the wife. a relationship can overcome this if a man is willing to give it up from the source, and if the woman is willing to support him emotionally. it has nothing to do with their sex life, and everything to do with controlling the desire.
Exactly. The human being isn’t a machine that simply reacts to stimuli, whereby if we remove the stimuli, we change. The problem isn’t external, as you said, it’s internal.
Man is a hierarchical control system where behavior is the control of our perceptions, and what drives behavior is our hierarchy of references/goals (as expertly elucidated in Perceptual Control Theory). Therefore, to change our behavior we must change our references/goals.
I mostly agree with your assessment except on 2 points.
I would not call porn addiction an "internal" problem. Porn is by definition an external source of stimulation. Any man telling himself that he doesn't watch porn because he just has more self control, or is holier than a man who does, is a prideful fool who either 1) isn't being exposed to the same triggers as the man who does or 2) has low libido. You say porn is gluttony, not lust. Well, some people are skinny because of medical issues they have that effectively prevent overeating. Or they are a picky eater. Or they cannot afford to overeat. That's where the analogy breaks down. You can workout and manage your diet to avoid gaining weight. You cannot workout or diet your way out of porn.
You don't ever mention the most effective weapon we have against porn. Divine intervention. I was a porn addict from the time I was 12 years old to my late 20s. Every single day. Multiple times per day. I sincerely asked God to set me free and He did. That was the last time I watched porn for over a year. I did eventually relapse, which coincided with a period of doubt in my faith. I had to come back to God for Him to again set me free. And I am still free to this day.
God bless anyone suffering from this horrific drug.
I think this is just a petty war against male sex drive. Once they got the porn they'll go for our imaginations, as long as it's still possible for the guy to madturbate between multi-month streaks of no sex they will never be happy. Men will have to qear chastity belts and only take them off when their dumb wife wants to do kinky femdom spaghetti role play.
Good thoughts here. Also: in some cases, it arises out of a disordered desire to control/own/use/dominate/take, etc. Libido Dominandi, if I'm not mistaken.
That's also a good Latin phrase for JD Vance's next attempt to justify administration policies with Aquinas.
I do wonder whether part of the addictive longing for porn amongst even good Catholic men is because it IS disordered and therefore offers the craved taboo. So much of our discourse around sexuality attempts to bleach it and straitjacket it into holiness discourse. “I suppress all desire except that which makes me fit for heaven” just isn’t a good 1:1 fit for how sexuality actually is. Real sexuality begins, if it does not end, with a need to integrate opposites: the angelic and the chthonic. That which is light and that which is dark. I’m reminded of Lewis: “the lover’s pinch which hurts and is desired.” There’s something beastly as well as human in sex, and men and women (differently) both want that duality represented and integrated by experience. Catholic discourse around it attempts to ignore the second icky half. Men will then seek porn to get the taboo darkness, and women will read 50 Shades of Gray.
^ I intentionally wrote this like a Jungian. Feel free to challenge the framing.
That logic is a little too close to the "priests touch children because they're celibate, so celibacy is the problem" line of thinking for my liking. "If my wife was hotter and more open to my sexual whims, I wouldn't watch porn." I can't imagine any man with a shred of respect for his wife would say that to her
It’s very similar
Thank you for that.
“The solution to porn addiction is to blame your wife” — “masculinity” influencers
As a recovered sex lust porn addict, I can totally agree with your assessment. It's right on the money. Pope John Paul's Love and Responsibility provides much-needed light on the subject.
"Pornography is about gorging yourself on visual stimulation." I'd would go a bit deeper and suggest that the addiction is more about the neurochemistry produced by the interaction with images...dopamine, adrenaline, epinephrine, serotonin, etc. The same chemicals are produced by real sex and other process addictions like gambling.
Thanks!
Very insightful. I've often thought this line of thinking also neglects the fact that women, especially Gen Z women, struggle with pornography addiction, and framing it in this "have more sex with your husband to fix his addiction" really hammers home the fact that it often feels like there is no place for women struggling with the same problem to go to for support, healing, and redemption.
This is legitimately a very insightful article. From my experience of dealing with this addiction, I had never thought of it this way, but it’s absolutely more accurate to call it gluttony rather than lust. Thank you very much for sharing this; it helps more than you know!
Thank you that means a lot!
This message needs to be shared more. The masculinity influencers need to be drowned out in this area.
Porn is an “I want something for nothing” problem.
Succinct and well put. In just a few minutes you have persuaded me that this is a sin of gluttony and not of lust, great work.
Multiple things can be true at once. Our society has a porn problem, which is not about marital relations at its root, and it also has a lack-of-sex-in-marriage problem, which certainly does exacerbate the porn problem, even if it's not the root of the porn problem.
If a man is earnestly striving to overcome pornography, then feeling desired by his wife will aid him in that endeavor, even though simply being desired by his wife isn't enough alone for him to overcome the addiction, and even though it isn't strictly necessary that he feel desired by her in order for him to overcome it.
Porn is also a sloth problem. It devalues real relationships and offers a false, selfish alternative to challenging, but ultimately more rewarding and valuable authentic relationships.
this is so true. as hard as it may be to overcome, especially after becoming so normalised, the blame needs to be taken off the wife. a relationship can overcome this if a man is willing to give it up from the source, and if the woman is willing to support him emotionally. it has nothing to do with their sex life, and everything to do with controlling the desire.
Exactly. The human being isn’t a machine that simply reacts to stimuli, whereby if we remove the stimuli, we change. The problem isn’t external, as you said, it’s internal.
Man is a hierarchical control system where behavior is the control of our perceptions, and what drives behavior is our hierarchy of references/goals (as expertly elucidated in Perceptual Control Theory). Therefore, to change our behavior we must change our references/goals.
I mostly agree with your assessment except on 2 points.
I would not call porn addiction an "internal" problem. Porn is by definition an external source of stimulation. Any man telling himself that he doesn't watch porn because he just has more self control, or is holier than a man who does, is a prideful fool who either 1) isn't being exposed to the same triggers as the man who does or 2) has low libido. You say porn is gluttony, not lust. Well, some people are skinny because of medical issues they have that effectively prevent overeating. Or they are a picky eater. Or they cannot afford to overeat. That's where the analogy breaks down. You can workout and manage your diet to avoid gaining weight. You cannot workout or diet your way out of porn.
You don't ever mention the most effective weapon we have against porn. Divine intervention. I was a porn addict from the time I was 12 years old to my late 20s. Every single day. Multiple times per day. I sincerely asked God to set me free and He did. That was the last time I watched porn for over a year. I did eventually relapse, which coincided with a period of doubt in my faith. I had to come back to God for Him to again set me free. And I am still free to this day.
God bless anyone suffering from this horrific drug.
I think this is just a petty war against male sex drive. Once they got the porn they'll go for our imaginations, as long as it's still possible for the guy to madturbate between multi-month streaks of no sex they will never be happy. Men will have to qear chastity belts and only take them off when their dumb wife wants to do kinky femdom spaghetti role play.
You seem troubled
Defend your views coward.
The opposite is true. Porn neuters a man's ability to channel his sex drive into force, power, and productivity.
Good thoughts here. Also: in some cases, it arises out of a disordered desire to control/own/use/dominate/take, etc. Libido Dominandi, if I'm not mistaken.
That's also a good Latin phrase for JD Vance's next attempt to justify administration policies with Aquinas.
I do wonder whether part of the addictive longing for porn amongst even good Catholic men is because it IS disordered and therefore offers the craved taboo. So much of our discourse around sexuality attempts to bleach it and straitjacket it into holiness discourse. “I suppress all desire except that which makes me fit for heaven” just isn’t a good 1:1 fit for how sexuality actually is. Real sexuality begins, if it does not end, with a need to integrate opposites: the angelic and the chthonic. That which is light and that which is dark. I’m reminded of Lewis: “the lover’s pinch which hurts and is desired.” There’s something beastly as well as human in sex, and men and women (differently) both want that duality represented and integrated by experience. Catholic discourse around it attempts to ignore the second icky half. Men will then seek porn to get the taboo darkness, and women will read 50 Shades of Gray.
^ I intentionally wrote this like a Jungian. Feel free to challenge the framing.