Stephen Colbert: Prophet of Beige Catholicism

Last week, Stephen Colbert aired the last episode of his late-night talk show, ending his reign of terror on American comedy.

As with every celebrity who expresses even a hint of Catholicism, he was eulogized by popular Catholic figures as a model of the faith. One writer even called him a prophet for Catholicism.

A prophet indeed, but what kind?

Colbert served as a prophet for a type of Catholicism that excises anything from church teaching that contradicts secular morality.

The False Prophet of Beige Catholicism

One article was written by Father James Martin, S.J., editor of America Magazine. He reflected on his personal relationship with Colbert and his role as the unofficial chaplain of The Late Show. Martin called Colbert “the greatest evangelist of modern times,” and gave several reasons for the term.

His most important reason for our purposes is that Colbert is “normal.”

Another particularly laudatory article from the Religion News Service made a similar point, calling him not only normal but a true “outsider”—one of the comedians who operate outside of our institutions to bring us truth.

Martin insists on the sincerity of Colbert’s Catholic faith. He knows him, and I don’t, so ultimately, I can’t say. But I do have good reason to doubt it. Father Martin claims in his article Colbert was “very well studied on Catholicism,” and yet he holds positions on abortion and same-sex “marriage” that are directly contrary to Catholic Church teaching.

So, forgive me if I’m skeptical.

Instead, I’d like to focus on his Catholic fans calling him a “normal outsider.” Because he clearly isn’t.

Just an average super-famous mega-millionaire

Colbert might be normal if you are used to spending time around the ultra-rich and famous. But to most normal people in America and in the Church, Colbert is anything but normal.

He speaks to a large audience every night (although not large enough for CBS) and lives in a $3 million mansion. During his time on The Late Show, he went from a $6 million starting salary to $15 million per year in 2023. This is unfathomable wealth for most “normal people.”

“Outsider” is an equally ridiculous claim. Colbert is well-connected in entertainment and politics. He hosted a show for one of the three oldest broadcasting stations in the country. His programming during COVID was in lockstep with the NIH’s agenda. Regardless of what you think about those guidelines, you can’t call that an “outsider.”

Since it’s so clear he is neither normal nor an outsider, one wonders what the point is of pretending that he is.

The answer is that very pretension allows Beige Catholicism to thrive.

The Hidden Elitism of Beige Catholics

Beige Catholicism is the attempt to reconcile the teachings of the Church with the dominant secular morality. And that is what Colbert spent his time on television doing.

The most devoted adherents of beige Catholicism tend to be those who are at the upper echelons of the church and society. They espouse beige Catholicism because they derive economic and social value from being in these institutions. In other words, they don’t want to get kicked out of the cocktail parties.

So, they espouse a kind of Catholicism that is bereft of anything that makes it provocative or contradictory to the modern age.

Beige Catholicism perpetuates itself by hiding its elitism.

One motive for hiding it is much like Poe’s Telltale Heart; they shove their elitism away underneath a floorboard so other Catholics can’t detect what they got when they traded away their faith. They need to appear normal

Another motive for appearing “normal” is that beige Catholics need to redefine what the word “normal” means. Catholics who actually care about the doctrines of the church need to feel weird, strange, or crazy so they are more likely to conform to this age—to become beige.

We need a better Catholic elite

Ultimately, we need to be aware of this rhetorical move—this pretension that our elite Catholics are somehow just like us. They are entrenched in the system and part of the machine.

Now, it is not inherently wrong to be elite. There will always be an upper class. But it is wrong that the Catholic members of our upper class feel the need to change the Church to match the upper class and not the other way around.

But it’s time for normal Catholics to insist that our elite Catholics (especially the prelates) start representing Christ in the cocktail parties, in Congress, and on television.

We need to apply that pressure because if we don’t, these beige Catholic elites will continue to scandalize the faithful and be lauded for doing it.